Out of the Closet. Next Stop, the Porch.

I hesitated to bring this up.  It's too controversial, perhaps.  I know that family read my blogs, and this might stir up a hornets' nest at the upcoming holiday gathering.  So far, me being gay has been a topic that I had to deal with diplomatically in my family.  I could bring up topics that made reference to it.  For example, videos of my past holiday performances with the Chicago Gay Men's Chorus are always welcome.  In the summer, I can get away with a mention or two of Pridefest.  When I've had boyfriends, my immediate family is generally welcoming.  They only disapproved of one, and I'll admit, they were right.  And yes, now that I'm single, I am frequently being asked about how the dating scene is going, especially from my sister-in-law.  As much as would love to be seeing someone right now, I'm glad I don't have to struggle with the decision of whether or not to bring a date to family gatherings.

Extended family is a slightly different matter.  They have different concerns.  They have their own families.  We're not in touch as often.  And the part that concerns me, part of the controversy... they're very religious.

I thought we were doomed as a family the first time I realized that although my mom always attended church with us, she also had "her own" church.  Mom was Lutheran, Dad is Catholic, and us kids were brought up in Dad's church.  From what I learned, it turns out that my sister, brother, and I were proof that there was a way, involving Mom and Dad having to meet certain criteria before the church would marry them.

But when I came out, and later separated from the church, I didn't see a way to reconcile.  As I mentioned before, it's OK in immediate family.   Most of the extended family are still a mystery, except for a few.  Back in 2010, after the suicides of Tyler Clemente and other gay youths, I posted about my own despair and near brush.  One of my cousins responded in support.  On the other hand, I also recall a time that Mom had been terribly upset by the judgmental comments of one of her cousins.  I haven't seen that one since Mom's funeral, and don't plan to.

I was going to keep playing it safe.  I was going to stick to simple opinions, but not make it too personal.  I decided against re-posting the "unfriend me if you're voting for Romney" requests, because I wasn't sure just who would take me up on that offer.  I was trying to think of diplomatic way to bring up the boycott of Salvation Army without placing a blanket judgement on anyone who supports religious charities.

I didn't want to take the next step of being vocal and being fully me.  I didn't want to alienate family by standing up for things that mean a lot to me.  I already did that when I came out.  I remember how troubling that was.  I'm not going through that again.

Ah, but then just as I was getting set to turn in for the night, I gave in to that silly little urge.  I'll just check facebook once more.  There was a link to something big going on.

Dan Pearce, the blogger known as Single Dad Laughing, took that big step.  A year after the post that first got my attention, "I'm Christian Unless You're Gay" (which everyone should read as well) is now opening up to his more than 150 Thousand readers that he is something other than straight.

As I was reading the post, I recalled my own experience.  It was tough.  There was also a lot of support.  I lost people, and it hurt, but it was also a release... a liberation.  As they say, I found out who my friends really were.  While I read, the blog page kept notifying me of incoming comments being left on the page.  At a glance, all messages of support.

Then I realized, I can't rest on the laurels of having come out.  That is happening at such a pace these days, in high schools, in Hollywood, and even support coming from professional sports stars.  (that last one was sudden and unexpected to me)  I'm currently not making as much money as I used to, so quietly making donations to lgbt causes isn't as effective.

It's time to get involved again.  I need to be more than just out, I need to be visible, and to remind people that being something other than straight isn't a one time event.  This is who I am, and it won't be put on the back burner anymore.  If you ask me what I've been up to, prepare to hear about it without shame, whether I went to a rally on World AIDS Day, or just went to a drag show at the gay bar.  I'm not leaving out the details.  I'll tell you how good it felt, despite a lower paying day job, to still give $100 to a charity other than Salvation Army (Ali Forney Center in NY).  And if anyone wants to know if I'm happy about Democratic victories in this month's election, I will give them a hearty Wisconsin "You're Damn Right!"

I don't know how much this is going to shake things up.  At worst, I may just not be invited to family parties anymore.  I think I can find things to do with my time.  Maybe some relatives will stick to the other side of my blog (until it gets too pagan).  I honestly don't think much will change, at least in terms of family that I actually spend any time around.   And hopefully after all this, I don't piss someone off by saying Seasons Greetings instead of the correct religious salutation.

We shall see.

Facepalm Friday

Yes, I'm up early on the day after Thanksgiving.  No, I am not going to line up somewhere to get fight a mob of crazy shoppers to get into the spirit of peace and goodwill.  Feel free to look up the various anecdotes on how it became called Black Friday (whether from law enforcement's point of view, or the retail industry's).  For me it's become Facepalm Friday.

Not that I would begrudge people the opportunity to get something for less.  I just hope more people are going to be wise about it.  I get it.  Something marked 75% off is tempting.  It's an opportunity to get something you wouldn't normally.  But ask yourself some questions.  Is it something you would have purchased now, or in the near future, if it were still full price?  If you see a great deal on something you weren't planning on, and it's "too good to pass up," can you get that instead of something else?  Did you have a plan to begin with?

Look, I'm all for saving money on something you really want.  I believe in the dream that you can have it all.  Just maybe not necessarily all at once.  My point is, go after the deals on things you were already planning to buy, and don't get sucked into spending more than you have, or more than you planned.

As for gifts, I understand.  I used to love opening presents, and even when it was kitcsh, it was great having many boxes to open.  Oh wait, I still love that, but that's not the point.  You don't have to buy something for everyone.  You don't need to get involved in every office Secret Santa or community or neighborhood gift exchange, especially the ones with a dollar amount range.  My family does a White Elephant at our gatherings, and it's always amusing.  It really demonstrates how one's trash is another's treasure.  Although in my family, it has become more like one's trash is another's "what on Earth is that?"  Either way, you still get to enjoy the look on everyone's faces.  They're usually quite hilarious.

As for me, I am using the extra day off of work to spend some time, and a little money, with friends. Tomorrow, I'll be participating in the Shop Local, Small Business Saturday, focusing on LGBT businesses like Outwords Books in Milwaukee. While there, I'll stop at Melthouse Bistro, owned by a friend and her husband.

I do need to add some decoration.  Dad is setting up his own tree this year, so I won't be able to use his ornaments.  For that, however, there's Goodwill, plus some lovely rainbow themed stuff from Outwords.

The election may be over, but this is a time when everybody gets multiple votes, with every dollar we spend. Whether you believe corporations are people or not, this is the time when you have the power over their futures.  Use it well.

Goals

Another political blog.  Just the world needs, right?  Well, I'm hoping this will be a little bit interactive.  I have two main goals here.  The first is to express my views, and hopefully promote positive change.  This will include sharing ideas and views to encourage activism, inspire rethinking on various issues, and bring understanding by sharing my experience and perspective.  The challenge here is that so many of my views, including those on issues close and important to me are "evolving," to borrow a phrase from the president.  As such, you will very likely read of some changing views as the blog progresses.  Obviously, on causes near and dear to me, my core beliefs and opinions will likely stay as they are, but how to approach or advocate for these causes is subject to adaptation, and where you will observe ongoing changes.  

The second main goal I have is to educate myself.  The elections of 2012 made me really want to understand our system of government better.  The Gaytriot is about being a proud American citizen and doing my part to ensure it remains the Land of the Free with Liberty and Justice for All.  To that end, I will continue to be a regular voter, but pledge to also be a more informed voter.  I hardly consider myself ignorant.  In the election two weeks ago, I considered 3 candidates in the presidential race.  Granted one of the 3 was never a contender for my vote.  Still, there's a lot that I don't understand, and that's a gap that I want to fill.

In the coming entries, I'll start expressing my views on current issues and events, as well as weigh in on issues that may not be front page news right now, but are still important to me.  Comments are enabled, and input and feedback are welcome, including differences of opinion.  However, I will enact a form of Castle Doctrine on the page.  I do not suffer a troll to post.  Some debate is fine, as I would consider it an education, but endless rounds of senseless argument will be shut down.  Those who have a strong opinion in opposition to mine are welcome to write their own blogs. 

Keeping My Opinions Safe and Sound

The 2012 elections have passed.  Thank goodness we made it through this time of divisive arguing, and can finally move on to the season of Peace, Goodwill, and Harmony.  As my sister-in-law would say, "Good luck with that."

There were a number of issues that I felt like commenting on, but they didn't seem to fit in my main blog.  I thought that mixing politics with... well anything else... would be troublesome.  However, I find myself wanting to say my piece when it comes to the big issues of the day, or even the little issues.  So here it is, a separate blog where I shall take on politics with all of my sarcasm and irreverence intact.  And this way, any friends, family or readers of my other topic can avoid the politics if they so wish.  They can also comment and share their opinions.

This past election cycle, I found myself recalling my 10th grade history class and trying to bring back as much of what I learned that year, which was where we got really into the government.  It turns out, I don't remember as much as I would like to, and so I'm taking myself back to school.  Well, actually the library.  I found the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution of the United States available in an audiobook.  That thing should be played on a loop in every legislator's office.