I hesitated to bring this up. It's too controversial, perhaps. I know that family read my blogs, and this might stir up a hornets' nest at the upcoming holiday gathering. So far, me being gay has been a topic that I had to deal with diplomatically in my family. I could bring up topics that made reference to it. For example, videos of my past holiday performances with the Chicago Gay Men's Chorus are always welcome. In the summer, I can get away with a mention or two of Pridefest. When I've had boyfriends, my immediate family is generally welcoming. They only disapproved of one, and I'll admit, they were right. And yes, now that I'm single, I am frequently being asked about how the dating scene is going, especially from my sister-in-law. As much as would love to be seeing someone right now, I'm glad I don't have to struggle with the decision of whether or not to bring a date to family gatherings.
Extended family is a slightly different matter. They have different concerns. They have their own families. We're not in touch as often. And the part that concerns me, part of the controversy... they're very religious.
I thought we were doomed as a family the first time I realized that although my mom always attended church with us, she also had "her own" church. Mom was Lutheran, Dad is Catholic, and us kids were brought up in Dad's church. From what I learned, it turns out that my sister, brother, and I were proof that there was a way, involving Mom and Dad having to meet certain criteria before the church would marry them.
But when I came out, and later separated from the church, I didn't see a way to reconcile. As I mentioned before, it's OK in immediate family. Most of the extended family are still a mystery, except for a few. Back in 2010, after the suicides of Tyler Clemente and other gay youths, I posted about my own despair and near brush. One of my cousins responded in support. On the other hand, I also recall a time that Mom had been terribly upset by the judgmental comments of one of her cousins. I haven't seen that one since Mom's funeral, and don't plan to.
I was going to keep playing it safe. I was going to stick to simple opinions, but not make it too personal. I decided against re-posting the "unfriend me if you're voting for Romney" requests, because I wasn't sure just who would take me up on that offer. I was trying to think of diplomatic way to bring up the boycott of Salvation Army without placing a blanket judgement on anyone who supports religious charities.
I didn't want to take the next step of being vocal and being fully me. I didn't want to alienate family by standing up for things that mean a lot to me. I already did that when I came out. I remember how troubling that was. I'm not going through that again.
Ah, but then just as I was getting set to turn in for the night, I gave in to that silly little urge. I'll just check facebook once more. There was a link to something big going on.
Dan Pearce, the blogger known as Single Dad Laughing, took that big step. A year after the post that first got my attention, "I'm Christian Unless You're Gay" (which everyone should read as well) is now opening up to his more than 150 Thousand readers that he is something other than straight.
As I was reading the post, I recalled my own experience. It was tough. There was also a lot of support. I lost people, and it hurt, but it was also a release... a liberation. As they say, I found out who my friends really were. While I read, the blog page kept notifying me of incoming comments being left on the page. At a glance, all messages of support.
Then I realized, I can't rest on the laurels of having come out. That is happening at such a pace these days, in high schools, in Hollywood, and even support coming from professional sports stars. (that last one was sudden and unexpected to me) I'm currently not making as much money as I used to, so quietly making donations to lgbt causes isn't as effective.
It's time to get involved again. I need to be more than just out, I need to be visible, and to remind people that being something other than straight isn't a one time event. This is who I am, and it won't be put on the back burner anymore. If you ask me what I've been up to, prepare to hear about it without shame, whether I went to a rally on World AIDS Day, or just went to a drag show at the gay bar. I'm not leaving out the details. I'll tell you how good it felt, despite a lower paying day job, to still give $100 to a charity other than Salvation Army (Ali Forney Center in NY). And if anyone wants to know if I'm happy about Democratic victories in this month's election, I will give them a hearty Wisconsin "You're Damn Right!"
I don't know how much this is going to shake things up. At worst, I may just not be invited to family parties anymore. I think I can find things to do with my time. Maybe some relatives will stick to the other side of my blog (until it gets too pagan). I honestly don't think much will change, at least in terms of family that I actually spend any time around. And hopefully after all this, I don't piss someone off by saying Seasons Greetings instead of the correct religious salutation.
We shall see.
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